2000AD Prog 1473 - 1 February 2005
	Judge Dredd (Wagner / Goddard) The Ten-Seconders (Williams / Harrison) Slaine (Mills / Langley) Synnamon (Clayton/ Dows/ Roach) Caballistics Inc. (Rennie / Reardon) Cover: Dylan Teague

Synopsis by David Knight
1st opinion by Adam Crabtree
2nd opinion by Martin Charlton

Summaries and reviews contain spoilers for this issue.

Cover Review

AC: An excellent effort from Dylan Teague though Synnamon has a bit of a tubby face and saggy chest (she's not real; she won't mind me saying so). A good contrast between the cold blues and silvers and the red light. Erm… I always struggle to find things to say when reviewing a cover!

MC: Having only recently become a subscriber to the prog, I’m still adjusting to not knowing what the contents of a specific issue will be when I receive it. I open the envelope with great excitement, wondering exactly what has made the cover this week. So far so good.

Skip to this Monday: Strontium Dog’s finished, and I don’t know what will be in its place. Imagine my delight when 2000AD’s very own Joanna Dark is waiting for me. You’ll have to imagine my delight, because believe me, I didn’t feel any. While there’s nothing wrong with this cover per se (Teague certainly can draw, and get some nice effects from Photoshop), that it signals the return of Synnamon is enough to already highlight this prog as a potential ‘worst cover of the year’ candidate.

Your Beating Heart - Part 5

Dredd's charm shines through once more...

Synopsis: The judges have captured a guilty suspect in the Surgeon murder spree investigation, but killer Millet Brophy has an alibi for the murder of Arla Munez. The judges suppose there must be another killer with identical DNA. An interview with Brophy’s mother confirms that he is a clone, created using a kindermakker home cloning kit in the 2080s, containing the DNA of the briefly popular German country singer Henk Villems.

Berlin’s records reveal one other surviving clone with Villems’s DNA, Gurt Veiner, whose current whereabouts is Mega-City One, tying him into the Surgeon murders. Both clones are afflicted by the same illness that drives them to bloodlust. Veiner has already left his hotel early, so Judge Dredd asks the Public Surveillance Unit to track him down.

Meanwhile, Gurt Veiner has picked up a hitcher and tied him up, and is about to cut out his heart.

AC: We finally get properly down to the more outlandish aspects of this story, as seen in the first part with the disjointed genesis of the Surgeon. After a couple of routine instalments of tracking down the killer (if you can call them routine, with the bloody murders, and an unusual level of attention paid to crime solving minutiae) Wagner brings the genre elements to bear and reveals a pretty simple but eye-openingly quirky origin story.

There is a bit of unintentional humour in the way the Judges can just throw these outrageous theories out there:

"Y'know what it probably is? Robot."
"Hot Dawg! You've just might be right!"

Yeah, I know it's the future and all, but in the background of the high realism "Your Beating Heart" has pursued, it's a bit of a surprise. Similar is the forensic Judge of earlier, who can deduce we have a blood drinker from relatively little evidence ("Hot Dawwwg! Now, why can't I come up with stuff like that?"). But Hell, I guess certain concessions have to be made for the sake of narrative speed, and though I may bring it up just to have something to say in a review, I can't really work up any bile over it.
Also, am I the only one who likes Hurst? For a guy who is one of the best at limiting personal liberties in MC-1 he's pretty endearing with his slouchy attitude. Has there ever been a PSU centric strip in the weekly or Megazine?

The tension is really ramping up when I really thought things would be wrapping themselves up this prog after Brophy's capture last week. However, Ol' Wagner has just pulled the rug from 'neath me again as Dredd races to stop a second killer (with an excellent final scene showing the proprietary attitude of a serial killer), as well as unwrappng the final mystery: what is it about Henk's blood that causes psychopathic tendencies?

Patrick Goddard's art accentuates the pitch storylines with his lurid colours and use of black.

MC: First things first. I could be completely off the mark here, but does Millet look like Mark Harrison a wee bit? Just a thought…

Nice little whodunit going on here, and while it’s hardly setting my pulse racing every week, there’s a nice little cyberpunk twist here, some great actual detective work going on and while its doubtful this will be the best Dredd story of the year, its well placed to gently introduce readers new to the prog a the start of the year to the Dredd Universe without drowning them in continuity.

Dredd: Educational & Fun. Fancy that!

The American Dream - Part 6

One of the less hygenic Gods...

Synopsis: In a world enslaved by superhero ‘gods’, a band of resistance fighters flies to New York with the traitor god on board who promised them the secret of how to defeat the enemy.

When they arrive they are observed by Mach and attacked by the behemoth Damage. The aircraft’s pilot, Willis, a former radio DJ and celebrity, is killed outright by Damage’s attack.

Harris opens fire on Damage, who throws the aircraft away from him, whereupon it explodes. Jennifer survives the crash, but is caught up by Damage. Malloy comes to her rescue in a robot combat suit.

AC: I rather wish this 'un would have a bit more, I don't know, substance. The art from Mark Harrison is uniformly excellent (though I honestly preferred the friendlier and, yes, cartoonier feel of the art in earlier instalments). Rob Williams' script offers moments of true insight, what with last week's riff on Nietzsche (very highbrow…) and Malloy's attitude to it, and this week's monologue from Jenny about her fears being representative of the rise to adulthood she will inevitably have to face.

However, it's been pretty thick on action recently, and I'm all for that, but it's also moving a bit slowly as a result. There's actually too much detail lavished on these fights and aerial battles; this week's instalment could have easily included the fight between Harris and the monster and not have been any poorer as a result.

There's also a lot of white space in this and when you compare it to something like Slaine's Carnival, which is using about eight frames per page (against Ten Seconders' six) and not losing anything in terms of narrative, in my opinion. I think that kind of approach would work for this strip.

I still think it's got potential by the mile though, and look forward to each new instalment. One thing I especially like about it is that it doesn't feel the need to strive so hard for the black laugh - too many titles in the weekly try to be darkly humorous when it doesn't come naturally, and fail utterly.

MC: OK, so now we’ve had six weeks of this, and while it started fast, it seems to have slowed down during the second act somewhat. Avoiding all Zenith comparisons highlighted on the boards, this has been an enjoyable post apocalyptic jaunt thus far, with an ending to this week’s chapter beyond comparison (Although slightly reminiscent of Aliens.) I’ve no idea where this is going, but with seemingly very little having happened yet I’m hoping this is going to be one of those strips benefiting from a Leatherjack style longer run.

Tasty artwork from Millet Brophy, as always.

Carnival - Part 6

Just one more bad thing about being a shoggy......

Synopsis: Slaine has come to Britain to find his son Kai working in a travelling carnival run by the avaricious dwarf Ukko. Together they try to solve the murder of one of the carnival acts, Wardo the Shoggy Man. As Ukko’s stooge, Kai helps build up the crowd for The Chitterling, a snake-woman. Performing at the same time are Porco the Human Cauldron and Hinky Punk, the Burning Man. Kai wants his girlfriend Estella to quit the carnival with him, but she wants to stay because she regards it as her home.

Slaine and Kai discuss what to do about Estella in the sideshow tent where the shoggy mother and daughter, lycanthropes who turn into animals at night, feed upon the carcass of a Fomorian demon in front of a fascinated audience. As Slaine and Kai decide to leave the tent, Hinky Punk’s corpse candles fly in as if under someone‘s deliberate control, and set light to the fur of Skathan, the daughter shoggy beast. Slaine smothers the flames with his cloak. The Bog Mummy, who has never left her coffin before, dramatically comes over and points an accusing finger at Sepha, the other shoggy (Skathan‘s mother), repeatedly heckling her with the phrase “you are not a mother!” Sepha tries to attack the bog mummy to shut her up, and Slaine realises that Sepha was her husband’s killer all along, and prepares to swing his axe at her.

AC: Sorry, what? No idea what is going on on the final page; what is the pickled lady's interest in denouncing Missus Shoggy? Matter of fact, in what way does she do this? How does Kai deduce from the rather cryptic proclamation "you are not a mother" that she is the mastermind behind all this? I sort of assumed when I saw that phrase that Sepha had maybe partaken in a little shoggy-on-the-side action; enough to provoke a violent outburst if the Mummy's up in her face sure, but I don't see anything that links her to the other stuff.

This lack of clarity aside, Carnival shows signs of great improvement after the utterly ludicrous "fight" of last week ("With my axe, great harshness is not unusual!" What the Hell is that?) There is something compelling about Slaine himself in this strip, particularly in his interactions with Kai and Ukko. It's something in the way that he speaks plainly and with some warmth with his son (and it is by no means an obvious warmth, as that would not be in keeping with the tone of the strip) and also in his familiarity with Ukko.

Again, we get some insight into life within the carny and Clint Langley clearly relishes the chance to show the grotesquery of these sideshows like the Human Cauldron, Hinky and his corpse candles and the twisted Punch and Judy show.

MC: Would somebody please explain the end of this chapter to me? I’ve read it through over and over, and there still seems to be a leap of logic in how Kai works out the identity of the killer. Otherwise this is an enjoyable romp, with lovely art and at times incoherent rambling plot lines and somewhat limited representations of womanhood. It’s like a scratch and sniff story. It reeks of Pat Mills, and while for some people that’s a good thing, I can take it or leave it dependant on my mood.

Looks lovely though.

Arc of Light - Part 1

Synnamon poses for the kids...

Synopsis: In the year 2045, the first mass teleportation in newly opened matter transportation stations, involving 10,000 people, is apparently sabotaged in an attack by Dominion terrorists, vaporising the cities of London and New York.

80 years later they are celebrating Pilgrim Day on the independent earth colony planet Arbor. A Heinkel gate made it possible for the colonial ship Arc of Light to traverse the great distance necessary to reach Arbor. Agent Synnamon is on the planet’s surface watching for signs of Dominion terrorist activity.

The sudden appearance in deep space of an ancient fleet of colonial space vessels causes amazement, and Synnamon is sent to investigate while live camera feeds of the phenomenon are blocked by the U.S.E. authorities. 46 damaged ships are tethered in a single mass sharing the same means of propulsion. The lead ship appears to the Arc of Light, which paradoxically already arrived on Arbor 68 years previously. Ascheta, Synnamon’s built-in computer, informs her that the fleet’s course will take it into Chinasian Alliance space unless action is taken, but her superior, Cromwell, orders her to wait for further orders.

The Arc of Light sends out a message, to which Synnamon can’t reply without Cromwell knowing. Instead she boards the Tanya Masky, where she is hit over the head with a club. She is surrounded by an unfriendly looking crew.

AC: Sorry…. what? Ok, so the situation as I understand it is this; there have been three Synnamon stories to date. Prior to this I've only read last year's Recalibration. Even that bit of background can't help me make sense of references to Freeborns, an Arc of Light (we're supposed to know what this is how?) that "brought humans to this planet sixty eight years ago" and the "Dominion". How in the Hell are new readers supposed to keep up when we get bugger all in the way of exposition?

In spite of this, David Roach's art is excellent, bright without being garish, slick without being cold and marvellously inventive. There is a real sense of spectacle in this strip, with the cataclysmic scenes of destruction, inventive buildings… and that collective of ships tied together makes for an excellent central setpiece. The sixties style clothing of our heroine and the sophisticated designs on the technological aspect also contribute to the atmosphere.

Sterling, exciting work, if somewhat confounding.

MC: With 2 Synnamon stories thus far, I had her hitting a .5 average, with one good story offering loads of potential, and one utter piece of garbage. I was hoping this would build on it… and it doesn’t.

The first three pages are probably supposed to be expositional dialogue done smart, or some such, which just comes across clumsily, and the last two pages are your bog standard Synnamon action gubbins. Whilst this would probably fit right into a Marvel series, placed in 2000AD, its little more than five wasted pages, and I really hope this is going somewhere, because if it isn’t, I’m going to have to stop reading this story. It ain’t good.

Changelings - Part 5

Spot the annoying person standing on the left side of the escalator...

Synopsis: Professor Brand is researching the past of Caballistics Inc.’s owner, Ethan Kostabi, and leaves Hannah Chapter a telephone message telling her what he’s discovered. Kostabi has lived a number of lifetimes, inhabiting different bodies and assuming different identities, each with the initial E.K. Fellow team-member Ravne has lived an unusually long time, and has had numerous dealing with Kostabi in the past. Brand suspects he is being followed. He tells Hannah to contact him when him he gets to Oxford researching documents at the Bodleian Library.

Meanwhile, Hannah is in a pit at the bottom of a tunnel in Sussex, the charnel house of Gloriana, a faerie spirit that has fed on human sacrifice since ancient times. With fairies having receded into fable, the only human flesh available for food has been that of children taken below ground by Puck. The faeries have slept, but have been re-awoken by the disturbance caused by the rituals conducted in Scotland by the Church of Crom Cruach. Lawrence verse falls into the pit beside Chapter, armed with a shotgun and a chainsaw.

Back in London, Jonathan Brand is on the underground prior to heading for Oxford. He is pushed from behind, into the path of an oncoming train, apparently by Caballistics enforcer Mike Ness; who, back above ground, informs Kostabi that “there has been a terrible accident on the tube”.

AC: Yikes! Tharg promises us in the introduction to this week's prog that there would be a peach of a development in one of this week's strips. Y'know what? I don't think there could be any doubt in the mind of any Squaxx reading that intro that it would be Caballistics Inc. Rennie's supernatural opus is probably the single most daring title the weekly has going at the moment, with a magnificently elaborate backstory playing out in the background. I did wonder last week, did Ravne know who his creator was? It'd be interesting to see that bastard put on the back foot for once, faced with the reality, but I guess Ravne couldn't possibly be in the dark about anything surrounding his own past, given how much he knows of myriad other matters. What was Kostabi's intent in birthing this genuinely evil individual?

Because of the ensemble nature of the cast, it's probably an easy matter to off singular members. I guess it makes sense that it should be Brand who takes the plunge, as he's one of the less interesting members, though I lament the fact that the Jenny and Jonathon storyline may never reach a complete closure.

The other storyline is pretty unmemorable, with a rambling plant maiden shooting the bull with Hannah Chapter. Y'know, I think if I ever met Miss Chapter I'd inform her that her quips are esoteric and overly wordy! There's too much talking on her part; she's doing her little parlour denouement bit.

I really think it would be a massive oversight on the part of those involved if this was put out to pasture for any length of time; it's moving gradually enough as it is, and a hiatus of a year or so would haze up our grasp of the situations and characters. Plus, aside from anything else, its loss would be sorely felt.

MC: While we have Synnamon on one hand, on the other this continues week in week out to be Gordon Rennie’s master class on ongoing narratives, with character turns, revelations and cliff hangers a plenty to cram as much into five pages as some stories do over a series. This week’s in particular has two moments of exceptionally high quality – Verse’s entry to the underworld, and those last two pages, which I won’t spoil for the uninitiated. I know this ends soon, and I know Rennie’s already said he’ll be taking time to recharge this story, but I hope it isn’t too long, because I need my fix. Now.

Dom Reardon… blah blah… lovely… blah blah… Hellblazer… blah blah… panel structure… blah blah… You know how it is, you don’t need another review telling you. Send him money. Big money. He deserves it.